
By Brett Pribble
Mason lay in bed, his body a broken string. On the floor, his socks and shoes loomed like landmines. He twisted on his bed like a lizard on a burning rock. Creeping out from the safety of his covers, Mason slipped off his twin bed. He commenced his plan to end his depression by buying a new mattress.
He drove to the nearest Mattress Kings store. Through the glass windows, dozens of mattresses dozed like cotton-white coffins. He remembered what his neighbor Gary said: No respectable woman would date a guy with a twin bed. That he was forty for Christ’s sake and needed to have adult furniture.
Mason hated Gary.
Inside the store, a salesman with a goatee and mustache marched up to him. “How are you doing, sir?”
Mason stared at his shoes. “I’m all right, I guess.”
“Me too. Two more hours and I’m outta here. You off today?”
“Not exactly,” Mason said. He’d been living on unemployment since his depression took over.
The salesman laughed. “I’m not exactly anything either. Can I get your phone number and email address?”
The muscles in Mason’s arms tightened. “I’d prefer not to.”
“Well, what’s your name then?”
“Mason.”
“Great name, Mason. I’m Tanner. Feel free to call me Tan or Tan Man or whatever you like.”
Mason nodded.
“Perfect. You a stomach sleeper, side sleeper, or back sleeper?”
“I don’t really sleep.”
“Well, that’s what we got you here for. What’s your price range?”
Mason ruminated for a moment. “How much for a mattress that’ll make someone love you?”
“I’d say we can accomplish that at a reasonable rate. Why don’t you lie down on this bed for me.” Tan Man waved his hand over a mattress.
“I’d rather not.”
“It’s okay. You’re with friends. Just give it a good lay.”
Mason lay down. He drifted into the middle of the ocean. He couldn’t see below him in the dark water, but he sank. Deeper and deeper. All choices left him impotent. If he tried to swim his arms would tire and he’d drown faster. If he stayed afloat a great white shark would emerge beneath him and gnash into him as his body burst in a vomit of gore. Powerless. No one could hear him and no would care even if they did.
Tan Man patted the bed to wake him. “How is the softness? Too soft? We can get a harder one?”
Mason smiled as best he could. It wasn’t something he had much practice with. “Fine.”
Tan Man waved his hand over another mattress like he was casting a spell. “Try this one. It’s got memory foam and cooling features. It cooled my girl down enough to let me try some new things, know what I mean?”
“No.”
“Just bounce on it for a sec like you would if it was a sweet honey.”
Mason shook his head. “I don’t want to lie down again.”
Tan Man smiled. “I believe in you, Mason. Come on, man. Lie down on this queen here. Work hard, play hard. Am I right?”
The title queen-sized suggested to Mason that only royalty was allowed to sleep in nice beds. Peasants had to choose a twin or a full. He grazed the linen with his fingers. “The queens are a bit pricey. How about a full? I only have a twin bed right now.”
“Nothing is too pricey for love,” Tan Man said. “Check out this king-sized bed. It’s adjustable.” He pressed a remote control and the mattress raised.
The last time Mason saw a mattress that large was in a hotel. A fancy hotel where they change the sheets more times in a week than he did at home all year. It was large enough for two people to sleep on without bumping into each other all night. They could remain untouched as they slept on two connected islands, together but alone.
Tan Man grinned. “So, what’ll it be?”
Mason swallowed. “What’s the cheapest mattress you have?”
“Cheapest? I thought you wanted love. No one is going to love someone who is cheap, am I right?”
Mason’s head drooped. “Maybe, but the rest of my unemployment checks are for groceries.”
“Perfect. No problem. We’ll get you on a payment plan. This king-sized bad boy is only 500 a month.”
“I can’t afford five hundred a month. I only wanted to spend about three hundred.”
Tan Man laughed. “Sure you can. Just cut out those lattes from your budget.”
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course,” Tan Man said. “But what are you thinking about?”
“I don’t know.”
“Just take me through your thought process. Step by step.”
Mason couldn’t breathe as his breakfast climbed up in his throat. He spewed warm chunks onto the remote-controlled mattress.
Tan Man put his hands on Mason’s shoulders. “Holy shit.” He inspected the bed. “Oh buddy, what a mess. I guess you have to go on that payment plan now, huh?”
“But I told you I can’t—”
“None of that matters now, pal,” Tan Man said. “That’ll be seven thousand dollars or five hundred a month until it’s paid off.”
Mason gasped. “Seven thousand?”
“Yes sir, my friend. It’s our most expensive mattress. What credit card will you be using? I can also automatically withdraw payments from your bank account if you prefer.”
Mason moved towards the door.
“Buddy,” Tan Man said. “Where are you going?”
Mason darted to the exit.
“Hey!” Tan Man shouted. “You can’t just leave here. I’ll call the police.”
Mason burst through the door. Near the street, an inflatable, yellow man jerked around in the wind like he was hanging from a noose. Mason jumped into his car and sped all the way home. Back in his twin bed, he buried his face in pillows and imagined he was the only living person on earth.
* * *
Brett Pribble’s work has appeared in Aquifer: The Florida Review Online, decomP, Stirring: A Literary Collection, Saw Palm, The Molotov Cocktail, Five on the Fifth, Maudlin House, and other places. He is the editor-in-chief of Ghost Parachute. Follow him on Twitter @brettpribble.