How to Handle a Hundred Degrees in London

By Sarah Archibald

Record heat in London today and here’s what you’re going to do: Go to hot yoga. Put up with the squishy floor you can’t possibly balance on and the annoying teacher who closes her eyes when she talks, the same teacher who is living proof you don’t want to be as skinny as you thought you did. Remember your mission. Scan the sweaty bodies in the room for one you find really fit and at least moderately age appropriate. Look for a man because although you are sexually attracted to women you’ve never acted on it and you’re scared to start now. Check that the man with the perfectly shaped bald head and deliciously defined, tattooed biceps is not wearing a wedding ring. Pay attention when the teacher says his name while complimenting him on his Warrior Two pose. Smile at Martin after class while you’re both glistening with sweat and ask if he fancies going for a coffee. Begin to celebrate that you’re about to get laid on your way out the door but don’t make it too obvious. Keep your voice steady as you ask, “do you want to grab a shower first? We’re just round the corner from mine.” Enjoy the hell out of the moment he agrees, because who could refuse such a forward offer from an equally fit, cinnamon-sugar-haired, American fiftysomething? Lead him home and as the cool water pulses over your naked bodies definitely don’t think about the fact that the skin on your neck has begun to sag and your fire crotch is now half ashen. Cease thinking about anything other than the sensation of your nipple in his mouth, his hand between your thighs and just how well you’re responding to this heat wave.

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Sarah Archibald has always been a writer. She used to publish journal articles and books on education policy, in which she has a Ph.D., but she quit her job last summer to pursue her passion—creative writing—and calling: helping others heal from traumatic childhoods, especially incest. She’s currently shopping for a publisher for her memoir on the subject, WICKED LOVE ME. Sarah is also the mother of two amazing kids now in college, so she’s traveling the world and working on a novel about two women who become empty nesters and find themselves wanting each other, not their husbands.

Find her on socials: Instagram @sarahjarchie and Twitter @DrSarahArchie

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