By Justene Musin
I decided on the perimeter between myself and my apprehensions not long ago.
It begins when I get into my bed. It finishes when I step out of it.
Under the duvet, I am enveloped into a cocoon, tethered to it. A bubble. A barrier between myself and the sometimes scary, sometimes wonderful world outside. The mattress is my home base. With fleece flannel sheets, it feels like a steaming hot mochaccino. With labyrinthian tendrils of steam unfurling. So snug.
Even though gravity exists just the same here, there’s a feeling of weightlessness. As light as a feather of candy floss.
There are no worries in this place. No judgements. Just acceptance. My bed just takes me as I am, in whatever state I am, and holds me.
The concerns of the day are at bay. They are tucked, folded, stacked into the drawer. To be dealt with later. They slide into another realm.
Nothing and no one can affect me. I am an island.
The threads deep inside that were snarled and oh so tangled, are beginning the first phase of unravelling. Releasing. Breathing slows. My heart is less like a leaden stone and more like a swirl of cloud.
I am good enough, strong enough, resilient enough here. Here, I am what I say I am. Nothing and no one questions me, or makes me second guess myself.
Time slows. The outside world is quiet. And so is my mind. It moves to mist. The fog is clearing. Sparkles of stars and moonlight beckon.
As the night eventuates, I rest, I sleep, I dream, I wonder, I ponder, I relax, I unwind. My body resets its computer system and reboots while I shut down for the night.
Eight hours gone in a snap of fingers. Eyes open. Awake. I feel it. Everything that was tightly intertwined has fully untangled itself. I have a some twinkle, a small glint in my eye again.
My duvet embraces me, but now is time to say adieu to my safe haven. I build myself up to what the young new day holds. My inner child is reminded to accept my foibles and acknowledge my strengths. You are what you believe.
In one swift move, I step out of bed, re-open the metaphorical drawer, and move beyond the perimeter.
My systems have successfully reset, and are running like a dream.
* * *
Justene Musin’s writing has appeared in Macrame, Waffle Fried, Landfall, Quadrant and other publications. She also has penned a travel memoir: To Paris, Venice and Rome. Justene lives by Kohimarama Beach in Auckland, New Zealand.